This week has been difficult, not because of outside forces, but because my mind has constructed a barrier. Everything is fine. But it isn't. I am simultaneously anxious and oh so weary, an odd but powerful combination. I have resigned myself to this constant looming dread. I am too tired to do anything, but I must or all will fail. So much depends on simple will power. I have none. So much depends on unwavering confidence. That too has fled. When I express my fears I am told I have no need to worry. I know that. I know I am capable. But the self-doubt creeps in and twists itself around my heart and suddenly my faith is lost and I can't breathe. It makes me sick.